Funerals

This afternoon I went to a funeral for the daughter of a friend I don’t know very well. But it seemed appropriate to go. I wanted to affirm my friend, a Tai Chi guru, let her know how sorry I am that she had lost her daughter - so untimely!  Her daughter was the exact same age as my oldest son. I can only imagine what a tragedy it must be to lose a child!

This is the fourth funeral I have attended in this chapel since I have lived here in this town. By now, I know where my seat is, the last spot in the last row of pews so I can make a timely exit. The cast of characters in all these funerals have a strange sameness, and the person conducting the ceremony is always religious in a generic Christian sort of way.

This one today started an hour later than the time we thought. This would have driven me crazy except that I was seated next to my best Tai Chi friend and we passed the time exchanging all kinds of personal information we never had known about each other.

These funerals are just for grieving families and friends. Usually there are videos of photos of the deceased, and everyone appreciates this and we have something to look at as the photos roll on and keep on looping.

Here, for funerals, the folks wear their usual sturdy clothes and the men never take off their ball caps. Women wear outrageously inappropriate get ups, sometimes featuring extremely short and strapless dresses and cowboy boots. Seems just great.

I remember some other funerals I have attended for famous people in the Washington Cathedral where pews were cordoned off for the sitting President and the speakers were revered. (No ball caps in that crowd.)

But whatever the funeral was, they are the same in that people have to mark the passing of their kin.

When you have to deal with a death in the family, you are grieving and in shock. At this point you have no plan so it seems best to get a church or funeral home to arrange everything.

When Nelson Pointer. the founder of the St. Pete Times, now the Tampa Bay Times, died he specifically directed that nothing would mark his passing. His successor, Gene Patterson, planned what he wanted, and we all went to his dignified funeral and wept together with this closure on his wonderful life.

But, I always was sad not to have had the opportunity to mark the passing of Mr.Poynter.

Just letting you know, what I want as the closure of my life is to be cremated and then for everybody who has known me and been touched by me to gather for a wonderful celebration outdoors with great food and music and joy. Scatter my ashes where you want.